The post below was submitted by /u/lordpoee to https://www.reddit.com/r/dndstories/, you can see the original post here.
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You might remember a brief but much loved show called 'Korgoth of Barbaria." After [Adult Swim] teased viewers with a bump promising the shows return...but we instead got Saul of the Molemen...I was deeply disappointed. I was however determined to continue his tale.
So my buddy was running a game and he asked me to write up a character. Naturally, I chose a barbarian and named him "Korgoth of Ten Tribes." He hailed from a land of ice and snow. The death of his father left him next in line to be Cheifton. Rather than fulfill his obligations, he left southward seeking escape and adventure.
Korgoth made quite a name for himself too. Over the years, he fought dragons, demons and worse. He died and was resurrected as a golem. After literally shattering a universe with his fist, Korgoth found himself in his own body again. Forever changed by the experience he returned home and dethroned his brother. As Jarl he united the Ten-Tribes into the Kingdom of Ten-Tribes.
Korgoth solved almost everything through sheer application of force. He leapt from a 100 foot cliff simply to avoid walking the long-road around it. It should be noted that the bard and Korgoth's own herald also leapt that day...and survived. Not even Korgoth's own kinsmen, a warrior of the ten-tribes would leap with him. Korgoth later proclaimed of the bard,
"Chuck Finley is not a bitch."
Enough of the background. The barbarian king had never bothered to learn a single language other than common. This oversight ultimately led to his shocking demise.
Korgoth and the rest of the crew encountered some Goblins they hadn't expected. They had just spent the last few days killing minotaurs in the ruins of an ancient temple. Now they saw a band of goblins riding war-machines and blocking their way.
"Squaa squeee gway urordo!" Shouted the goblins as Korgoth approached them with a deep, fiery hatred in his eyes.
"Why the hell are you in my way?" Korgoth demanded while standing toe-to-toe with one of the war-machines.
"Skave! Duro!" The goblin commander responded.
Had Korgoth bothered to learn what the goblins were saying he would have learned that they were allies of his dwarfen friend. This would have ended in beer and sausages.
He didn't though. Korgoth was convinced the Goblin was making fun of him. So he drew his axe and sword and leapt toward the commander. It was a spectacular leap. Then, I his player, rolled a '1'.
In doing so, Korgoth provoked an attack of opportunity from not one but three goblin war machines. Korgoth, who once survived being pin-cushioned by the bolts of an entire city-guard; was no match for two ballistas and a goblin cannon. He was killed instantly...
..then he returned as a God of beer and steel but that is another story for another time.
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